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October 16, 2005

Dear internet,

The show last night was nice. I had been worried that it would be a west county hippie spirit fest, but I was completely wrong. The work there was really strong and young, I was surprised at that and the many familiar faces in the show.

After the show, we went back to Derek & Liz's for a little party type thing and I got to talking with Brooke Finley, sister of Chris Finley. Her brother is a successful artist, father and teacher, trying to find balance with all of that and still work on his art. While we were talking we were getting close to the root of why we work on art, a big show he has coming up, and she brought up some interesting points that I had been mulling over recently.

If you are familiar with my site and my way of working, you know things have been slow lately. Having said that, I feel like I've been doing some good work. I feel like the good work i've been doing is for the shows and the book that might be coming out soon. I feel like I have to draw, but I need to upload to the internet. The compulsion is to draw, but the pressure is to produce for the internet, however mindlessly.

I like the time and work and thought I've been putting into the art that will be physically seen: I feel it is more important and weighty than what I do when I'm just trying to keep content fresh on the internet. I'm burnt out trying to produce for the site and feeling the constant pressure to upload. I already feel the compulsion to draw, I already have that pressure and the letdown I feel daily when I don't draw. It isn't healthy, and having seen what I can do right now when I'm driven to produce for myself and for physical viewing I know it isn't fair to anyone to work just to keep up appearances that I am working.

I'm writing this so that I won't get the response that I have before from you, internet. Before, when I've been in a rut or taken my time about producing, you let me know. You email me and keep up that pressure, letting me know that I'm not cranking out things to look at in a timely manner.

I appreciate the response and critique and comments to the work but I need to take some time for myself. I have a few projects that I'm supposed to be working on, and an upcoming group show. What I don't have is an upcoming solo show. This is good, I don't have the portfolio or adequate pieces for a solo show without recycling images. I don't have the drive or the language to fill that out right now, and that is what I need the time to work on.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and really thinking about it since last night. I've been trying to think of an adequate timeline, say 6months, but that's limiting myself again. If it only takes 5months to build up strong again, then what? What happens if 6months rolls around and I'm just not proud of what I'm doing? I need to be proud of everything I'm finalizing, and not just producing to have some tangible explanation for my time spent.

See you when I see you internet and thanks for the sabbatical.
Two essays I read occasionally: 1, 2

Do what you need to do p3. Fuck all us lame internet people and go become a good exhibiting artist, because you deserve it. Your art is too amazing to just be shown in the internet world. No one will ever know just how great your illustrations are unless they see them in the flesh. Hell, I haven't even seen them in the flesh and I've been visiting this site for god knows how many years. Anyway, have fun, and create some great art dammit.

Posted by: Calvin Carl on October 18, 2005 08:46 AM

omg i <3 u

Posted by: ranc0r on October 18, 2005 01:13 PM

oh ranky ranky. would i be better off adding 1gb nic, some fiber and a gb module to my switch? or cranking all the users down to 10fdx and leaving server @ 100fdx?

Posted by: Eric Bostrom on October 18, 2005 01:16 PM

you needs gigE my friend. or perhaps you could do link aggregation and bond together 2-3 100mb ports for your server. Sounds like more trouble than its worth tho make the boss buy some gigE.

kk no more blogstalking.

Posted by: ranc0r on October 18, 2005 01:19 PM

I like that you said this.
I like constantly going to your site to see what you will unleash to the internet world. I also come to this website if I'm feeling down on inspiration. Your blatant and bold outlook, "just draw" has really helped in more ways than I can describe. But I don't need to describe, I can just draw.
Sometimes it's good when you don't upload, I will always spend time looking through the archives and always noticing some different technique or quirk you have done in the past.
So what I'm trying to say. I haven't come to expect from you, I've come to appreciate more. Thanks for being on the internet.

Posted by: luke on October 18, 2005 07:26 PM

you're right fuck that drawing. just draw is the ethos.

thanks for the support guys, it's been an odd few days of withdrawl. relaxing. i appreciate the emails and comments. a friend wrote: "Remember, you are an artist WITH a web site and not because you HAVE a web site."

Posted by: pthree on October 18, 2005 08:46 PM

hi, my english is not good so no bla bla... but you are inspiration for me. and im glad i found u throu the internet... ;)

Posted by: nina on October 20, 2005 02:59 AM

Oh, ur so hawt when u talk to teh interntez.

luv behby

Posted by: funkathrusta on October 20, 2005 06:40 PM

This comment thread confuses the hell out of me, but I like your stuff... found you in comments at kottke...

Posted by: Meg on October 25, 2005 11:04 AM

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